When it comes to my career, I’m not where I want to be. And getting told that, “your talent is getting wasted ” doesn’t help either. They mean well (really well), I know, and for a second I get flattered. People recognizing that what I am capable of is so much more than what I’m currently working on is nice but then I just get worried. I get worried about being stuck and being told that by more than one person and on more than one occasion means there something wrong. Right? Like, am I being too lax and not persevering anymore? Have I lost my drive?
I will admit that my priorities have changed. Before I always just want to be creative. I swore that after my newspaper job, where I could feel the very essence of me dying and where I was being paid peanuts, I’d go where I can create. Where I can improve. Now, I ask, who would pay me more money. Getting older and having bills can do that. Money matters. If you don’t think it does, that’s because you have it. But I’m not giving up just yet. And the part of me who’s ambitious and headstrong and takes what she wants is still alive. And that means I can still fight. I can still change this.