Because I’m like everyone else, I see the new year as fresh start even though you can start anytime really. And because I’m just like everyone else, I have a list of things that I want to do and promise to do for this year. No, I’m not calling them resolutions. I like feeling special once in a while.
Get more sleep
Eat out less
Buy less useless stuff
Save up more
Do more YouTube stuff
Try not to mess up my hair
Now if you’d excuse me,I gotta go do number 1. (I say that but you know that’s number two)
We should have taken you home. My heart hurts because I can’t imagine how you felt when you died surrounded by dogs and people you don’t know. Did you think we left you there, that we were not coming back? I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t even get to say goodbye.
My skincare routine needs updating. I wish good skin can be downloaded like an app. But then they’d probably be premium paid apps. And we’ll have pirated perfect skin apps and PSAs saying, “You wouldn’t download skin.” Yes, yes I would.
When it comes to my career, I’m not where I want to be. And getting told that, “your talent is getting wasted ” doesn’t help either. They mean well (really well), I know, and for a second I get flattered. People recognizing that what I am capable of is so much more than what I’m currently working on is nice but then I just get worried. I get worried about being stuck and being told that by more than one person and on more than one occasion means there something wrong. Right? Like, am I being too lax and not persevering anymore? Have I lost my drive?
I will admit that my priorities have changed. Before I always just want to be creative. I swore that after my newspaper job, where I could feel the very essence of me dying and where I was being paid peanuts, I’d go where I can create. Where I can improve. Now, I ask, who would pay me more money. Getting older and having bills can do that. Money matters. If you don’t think it does, that’s because you have it. But I’m not giving up just yet. And the part of me who’s ambitious and headstrong and takes what she wants is still alive. And that means I can still fight. I can still change this.
I don’t know why I keep buying eye shadow, I never know how to use them. Maybe in my head, if only I have the right colors, I would magically master them. And besides, the Etude House Look At My Eyes eye shadows are pretty and are like the Pringles of the makeup world: you can’t have just one.
It has to happen. I mean it should have happened a year ago when I was still not so far down the hole but meh. I’m not gonna cry over things in the past anymore, it’s a waste of time.
When I had a rude 159 pound surprise I vowed to lose weight and get in the best shape of my life. This was 2 years ago. Never happened. Instead I got even heavier. On top of the 20 something pounds I already gained, I added 12 more to my 5 foot 4 inch frame. The extra dozen is a recent addition to my chub though, I was able to stay pretty much the same weight after the initial 159 weigh in (sometimes I’m even lighter by a couple of pounds!) I don’t know why I wanted to mention that. Anyway, this is not good. This is pretty bad. My clothes hardly fit anymore. My thighs and arms and belly are spreading and growing. And I don’t like how I look. Something needs to be done. How am I gonna be a hero if I’m out of shape?
So here’s the plan, I’m gonna take this seriously. Give it my best but not put so much pressure on myself and stress out on every gram of carb I consume. I will actually adapt the healthy habits I wrote down before. More water, more sleep. Less stress, yes veggies. WORKOUT! All those things that are very obvious and simple but I just miserably fail at.